Well, I didn't believe it when everybody assured me that time would fly by so fast and that six weeks of not working out would fly by but it truly has. Less than two weeks to go before I can hit the gym again. It's bitter sweet because I know that I can get back at it but also know that I will have to start very slowly in order to ensure that things are healed and sealed and good to go. I know deep down that I DO NOT want to rush back in and tear something and be set back even further. I'm going to ask my doctor for recommendations at my six week check up but know that I must listen to my body which is something that I do not do very well. I just need some endorphins. If I just had some now and early on in recovery I would probably be able to push through some of my postpartum issues a little easier.
I just never realized how hard of a mental toll a c-section can be on a woman, especially a woman with a strong will and very high expectations of herself. I was going to give birth vaginally and damn-it, I was doing it without an epidural or pitocin or any other drugs! HA! I guess I'm learning all of my lessons the hardest way....things don't always work out the way I want them to and I can't always have my way. I thought I already learned this one with the collapse of our business but apparently not. Then I got another kick in my pants when I attempted breastfeeding with everything I had - body, mind, heart and soul and was still unable to make it work. For whatever reason, Morgan just will not take from me. Every consultant under the sun has tried to help and assured me I'm making enough but either Morgan doesn't want to work for it or it's not there for her to get but she's not getting enough and she needs to eat and I need to give it up. Talk about feeling defeated - nothing like losing a race. When your womanhood and own body is questioned it can be very hard mentally to accept that things have not worked as you'd hoped. I am not a failure however, and I will not define my womanhood or motherhood on whether or not I can breastfeed. It just will not happen because this woman is stronger than that!
Now, this blog is really not about my postpartum issues but more about how I'm going to kick ass not only as a mother but as a warrior who crushes her competition in races come Spring 2012!! Follow me as I get back into fighting shape along with the help of the Slaughter Bootcamp. Be sure to stay tuned and read my daily posts to find out how I'm going to do it and what Slaughter Bootcamp is all about!
